The Ultimate Act of Surrender

It is often said that the four day solo wilderness fast that is known as Vision Quest is the ultimate act of surrender. Certainly the times that I have chosen to sit on the earth in this way have required me to let go in a very real way… as my physical energy diminishes, as the hours creep by under beating sun or driving rain. It’s surrender in a very visceral, unromantic way. There’s no other way through the eye of this particular needle.

However, while Vision Quest has strengthened my muscle of yielding, in the last few months something has required more surrender of me than even this ceremony - motherhood.

Three months ago River Luca Skye was born. And simultaneously so was a newborn mother. It has been all that the mothers have told me - ecstatic, love beyond anything I’ve experienced… and the ultimate act of surrender. So much of how I explored the world, how my body and spirit comes alive, what brings a sense of identity is no longer available.

Last month, in the middle of co-guiding a long planned 13 day Vision Quest Guide Training, the temperatures plummeted and River became sick with bronchiolitis. The four days while the apprentices were out on their fast I was on my own initiation, shifting us to a crummy Air BnB, consulting doctors, keeping vigil all night in case his breathing worsened. I missed catching the Questers stories, I missed dancing and singing around the fire on the final night. I tended to the needs of my child. And will continue to do so until one of us passes. Such is the sacred contract between Mother and Child. And in the difficulty and grief of what is passing in my life, so too is there gratitude for how this is growing me up in a way that only Motherhood can.

So next March when I sit in front of a Quester who is also Mother, as I often do, and hear their stories of both loss and reclamation of Self I will know in my bones the stories they tell. I will hear their universality in a new way.

While much of my work is within the home and family this coming year, I will also be offering a number of residential programs, including our traditional Vision Quest in March. Applications open now. Please do not hesitate to apply if feeling called.

Colleagues will also be offering a 48 hour ‘Wild Threshold Crossing’ in Autumn this year on the same wild land - a great way to get a taste of the Vision Quest process - and great for parents who can’t take 11 days away from family.

This newsletter isn’t written as eloquently as I would like, but it’s another act of surrender to life’s new limitations. What a gift!

With Wild Love,

Claire